It’s 10pm. Molly is still up. She’s fixing a casserole dinner for a family from her church. She throws the ingredients together, and several globs escape the bowl as she stirs with more force than is actually necessary. Her mind is swirling non-stop with a long string of thoughts…

Oh shoot! I forgot to wrap the kid’s Christmas gifts for their school party tomorrow… How am I going to get that done AND cook this meal? Why in the world did I volunteer for this anyway? 

I’ve got Christmas play practice tomorrow night, and I need to memorize my lines…When am I going to find time to do that? I have to go to work tomorrow. 

Todd wants me to take care of the tickets for his next trip, and I haven’t gotten to it yet. What if I’ve missed that deadline? He’ll be so mad at me! 

Our family is coming next week to stay for Christmas…Gosh, I hope we all get along OK this year. It got stressful last year…and now there’s even more to deal with…

THIS HOUSE IS AN ABSOLUTE WRECK!  I’ll never be able to get it ready in time…

Molly flings the spoon into her bowl, splattering more batter out on the countertop. Then the tears start to fall — and they won’t stop.

Molly is overwhelmed, exhausted, and secretly resentful.

Sound familiar?

Molly is a people pleaser. She’s takes care of everything — even things that others could help her with — or do themselves. She doesn’t know how to say no without the guilt, and she gets herself into too many activities. Some of her key relationships feel so frustrating, and she doesn’t have the energy to deal with it.

Molly is responsible, and she always follows through, but there’s a price to pay. She’s running on empty.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

With better boundaries, Molly would be able to navigate her life and her relationships. She’d be able to sort out what is hers and what is not.

The framework that healthy boundaries would create in Molly’s life would help end her overwhelm. The inner calmness that comes after implementing healthy boundaries would put an end to her secret resentment.

But Molly has a tender heart, and boundary setting is not easy for her.

What are Boundaries? 

A personal boundary is a defining line that separates one individual from another. 

Boundaries are like property lines around a home. They help you define what’s “in your yard” so to speak.  Everything in your yard is your responsibility. Everything outside of your yard belongs to someone else – and you don’t have to take care of what’s in someone else’s yard.

Boundaries show others what belongs to you, and what does not.

This idea applies to all aspect of your life—your thoughts, your relationships, your emotions, your physical space, and the time on your calendar. Everything that belongs to you should have personal boundaries set around it. 

Why is Boundary Setting Important? 

Boundaries are absolutely essential to a life well lived.

Boundaries clearly define your individuality. To know yourself and be secure in who you are as an individual is essential to all relationships and activities. Your identity comes from Christ, and out of that, arises clear personal boundaries around who you are, what you believe, and what you will and will not do.

Boundaries clearly define y-o-u. They help others understand who you are, too.

Healthy boundaries provide a framework for relating to others in the best way possible. Boundaries help others understand how you expect to be treated. Boundaries breed respect — helping others show respect toward you, and helping you show respect toward others.

Boundaries breed respect. Click To Tweet

Boundaries keep  you from being taken advantage of. This is especially important for people pleasers!

Boundaries keep you from running on empty. When you put healthy boundaries around your mental energy, your activities, and your relationships, you do not get depleted. You can serve wholeheartedly and without reserve — unhindered by false guilt, insecurity, or lack of confidence.

Boundaries free you to be energetically be YOU and do the work God created you to do!

Boundaries are Biblical

God had boundaries in mind for us from the very beginning. He created the world with boundary lines for the land and the sea. He divided the heavens from the earth. He gave us guidelines and rules to follow that would be good for us.

Then God sent His son.

And Jesus had boundaries, too.

Jesus had healthy boundaries in His life and relationships that guarded His heart, His soul, His mind, and His strength — so that He could do the work the Father sent Him to do.

In whatever way that Jesus lived, we strive to live that way, too.

When we have strong and healthy boundaries like Jesus did, we are better able to do the work God calls us to do. In fact, the better your boundaries, the greater your capacity to offer focused empathy, focused love, and focused service to others.

Without a doubt — boundaries are a healthy part of life and relationships.

The better your boundaries, the greater your capacity to offer focused empathy, focused love, and focused service to others. Click To Tweet

A Prayer for Boundary Setting

Boundary setting can be challenging, but there is a surprisingly simple way to get your heart prepared for it.

Pray!

And when you pray, there are some specific things to pray for.  You’ll find them in this simple one sentence prayer written by Reinhold Neibuhr.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This prayer isn’t only simple to remember and pray, it’s also impactful for those of us that want to have better boundaries in our lives and relationships.

Why is Prayer So Important for Boundary Setting?

1. In a place of inner calmness and serenity, we can better accept the things that we can not change. 

It’s a hard reality to come to — in life, there are some things that we simply can not change. The unchangeable things take a lot of our mental energy and can leave us feeling deeply discouraged, sometimes even hopeless.

But when we can begin to implement healthy boundaries in life, and when we lean on our Heavenly Father, we eventually come to a calmer place inside. In that calmer place, we are better able to accept what we can not change.

*Acceptance does not mean being the recipient of other people’s bad behaviors. Healthy boundaries are the key to making sure this doesn’t happen!

So in the unchangeable places…

Pray for the serenity to accept the things you can not change.

Serenity is: clearness; quietness; stillness; peace; Calmness of mind. A lack of agitation or disturbance.

Here is a verse you can pray when you are seeking the peace and serenity that comes from Jesus.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27

2. To create and implement boundaries, we need courage — and lots of it! 

Boundaries help you do something about your circumstances, even if others are unwilling or unable to do the work it takes to meet in the middle.  In the midst of circumstances like that, change can still happen. It starts within you.

When you come to the realization that something has to change, you can be the one to change.

This takes courage.

Pray for the courage to change what you can — and start with praying for the courage to change yourself, even when the other person is unwilling or unable to do the same.

Courage: the state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger or fear with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.

Here is a Bible verse you can turn into a to prayer for courage:

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. – 2 Timothy 1:7

3. When creating and implementing boundaries, we need all the wisdom we can get.

In Proverbs 4:7 the Bible says, “Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.” (NIV) In this verse, “understanding” is referring to discernment. This tells us to actively pursue getting wisdom, and whatever we do, make sure to get understanding (discernment).

This is such an important thing to pray for! It’s what allows you to see clearly and stand firm when you are doing boundaries work in our lives.

Pray diligently for wisdom and discernment.

Wisdom: the ability to discern or judge what is true, right, or lasting; insight.

This Bible verse will help you pray for wisdom and discernment.

Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. (NIV) – Proverbs 4:7

What Happens When You Have Bibilcal Boundaries?

Did you know that the Serenity Prayer is more than just one sentence long? The remainder of this prayer is a reflection of what happens when we open our hearts to prayer and trust God with the process.

Here’s the prayer in it’s entirety.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, 

The courage to change the things I can, 

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace; 

Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, 

Not as I would have it; 

Trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will;

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life 

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.  

~Reinhold Neibuhr

Boundaries are a framework that God designed for us. He wants us to function within that framework. With God-honoring Biblical boundaries, we can lead healthy and fulfilling lives here on earth — lives that are free of people-pleasing and perfectionism.

We can live our lives one day at a time.

We can enjoy one moment at a time.

We can let hardship and peace happen simultaneously.

WE can live in trust and surrender.

Biblical Boundaries are the key to unlock that kind of life. So let’s prepare our hearts for that work by praying for…

Serenity to accept the things we can not change,

Courage to change the things we can,

And wisdom to know the difference. 

In the comments below, I’d love to hear your answer to this question:

What is your response when you think about setting boundaries in your life and relationships? 

Looking for some help with boundary setting in your life and relationships? I can help you with that! You can find out more at leslienewmancoaching.com.

This post may be linked in the following places. Click through for more encouragement!   Inspire Me Monday / InstaEncouragements / Tell His Story / Salt and Light  / Grace and Truth