Do you ever find yourself asking these questions?

• Where is my confidence?
• What is holding me back?
• Why can’t I move forward?

I think these are common questions we might be asking if we find ourselves stuck and unable to take that next big step. Asking these types of questions puts us on the right track. You see, sometimes to move forward we have to stop and uncover the issues inside – the things that are keeping us stuck in a cycle of fear.

The thing is, it’s hard to figure these things out. I don’t know about you, but the hardest person I’ve ever tried to understand is myself! Fortunately, God has shed a little light on the picture so to speak, and I discovered one of my biggest problems is perfectionism. My friend, Terri, who writes for you today, also struggles with perfectionism.

Perfectionism puts the brakes on moving forward, and it instills a lack of confidence. It’s also very sneaky and hard to see! It can hide in many forms and fashions. But it’s time to bring it out into the light!

Join me today as Terri uncovers perfectionism and points us in the right direction so we can find confidence in the right place. This article means a lot to me because it helped me so much! I hope it is a blessing to you as well!

Thank you, Terri, for writing for us today!  You can find Terri at her blog, www.heartsencouraged.com, on Facebook  on her author page HERE, and on Instagram right HERE.

Here is Terri’s guest article!

The Undercover Perfectionist

If you know the phrase, “Do unto others as you would have them do to you,” then you know that it’s a call to love others as you would love yourself. But, do you know there’s an alternative version of that life mantra? It goes like this, “Do to myself what I would not do to others.” As an undercover perfectionist, I employ the latter mantra when I heap unrealistic expectations upon myself that I would not and do not expect of others. You can’t see my perfectionism because you’re not subject to it. You, my friend, do not have to live up to the high bar of perfection I have set for myself. That bar is for me alone, and there’s no mercy from me to me when I fail to hit it. What good can come from that? None. I can’t thrive when I subject myself to that kind of pressure, striving, and harshness.

If an undercover perfectionist wants to challenge their perspective, then three questions should be explored:

Who defines perfect?
Why is perfection the wrong goal?
What’s the personal impact for the undercover perfectionist?

“Healthy striving is self-focused: ‘How can I improve?’ Perfectionism is other-focused: ‘What will they think.’ ”  –Brené Brown

Who defines perfect?

The answer to the question is just as it seems—The Lord. God tells us His ways and deeds are perfect and Jesus is the definition of perfect in every way, and he perfects our faith.

I asked myself this question to try to understand where I got the idea I had to be and do perfect. The undercover perfectionist in me isn’t trying to attain perfection like the Lord because I know the Lord alone is perfect. No one can be or do perfection as God can. Yet, I pursue it all the same. Why?

Finding that answer meant I had to find the origins of my perfection thinking. By doing the work of tracing the root of my perfectionism, I discovered it was tied to being adopted. At the age of seven, I made the assumption that I was given up for adoption because there was something wrong with me. This false conclusion is the root that led me to become an undercover perfectionist.

Why is it important to find the root? Perfectionism strangles the good things God wants growing in my heart. It matters if your perfectionism is keeping you from being available for God-assignments. It matters if your perfectionism prevents you from utilizing your Spirit-given gifts. You might be wondering if I have eliminated perfectionism and like tendencies. No, but I’m better equipped to work with God when perfection stands in my way of being the woman He wants me to be.

Perfectionism strangles the good things God wants growing in my heart. - Terri Hutchison #heartsencouraged #perfectionism #journeytoimperfect Share on X When perfect is my goal, then I’ve placed all the focus on myself and off of God. - Terri Hutchison #heartsencouraged #perfectionism #journeytoimperfect Share on X

Why is perfect the wrong goal?

When perfect is my goal, then I’ve placed all the focus on myself and off of God. In 2 Samuel, Chapter 22 we can find some of the best verses to show why making perfect my goal is actually an imperfect choice.

God is my strong fortress, and he makes my way perfect. He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights. He trains my hands for battle; he strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow. You have given me your shield of victory; your help has made me great. You have made a wide path for my feet to keep them from slipping. -2 Samuel 22:33-37, NLT

The emphasized words show what God is going to perfect me for the task at hand. My part is to exert my trust in God’s provision. More than that, whatever I attempt to do in His name is an offering from my heart. There is no need to critique that offering or hold back because whatever I lack God will provide. I’ve held myself back from taking on a role or a project because I feared what I had to offer was limited. Do you see the problem with that choice? I judged my ability to be used rather than let God fill in the gap. If you’ve been given a God-assignment, then rely on and eagerly anticipate the Holy Spirit partnering with you. Anticipate being amazed at what happens!

“Embrace being perfectly imperfect. Learn from your mistakes and forgive yourself, you’ll be happier.” –Roy Bennett

Whatever I attempt to do in His name is an offering from my heart. There is no need to critique that offering or hold back because whatever I lack God will provide. -Terri Hutchison #heartsencouraged #perfectionism… Share on X

What is the impact on the heart living as a perfectionist?

Perfectionism can be like a vacuum sweeper sucking all the joy and fun from anything we do. While others are raving about what we’ve accomplished, our internal perfectionist lacks self-satisfaction. We entertain an internal dialogue of harsh critique and judgment. There’s comparison. There’s even self-sabotage when unrealistic expectations have been set. We can get stuck, unable to move forward. Perfectionism keeps us from exploring off-road.

And, let’s not forget fear.

My biggest problem is fear. Oh, how I dislike being a slave to fear. Fear of making a mistake has got to be the most ridiculous reason for not doing something, and it can be the first thought that enters my mind. I have to strenuously exert my faith to deny fear from making decisions for me.  There have been moments when it’s taken everything I had in me to move into what I was certain I couldn’t, believing less than perfect meant failure. If I can’t do it perfectly, then … well, I’m done living that way! It’s not easy though. I still set the bar high. I let the perfectionist start dictating the goal and the focus. What has changed is I go to God to bring my perfectionistic side back in line. God provides the balance, and I get back on track. I pray daily to follow Jesus adventurously, and I can’t do that trying to be and do perfect. I call on God to give me what I need to fight the fear and serve Him expecting His equipping. If I serve with a willing heart and give Him my best, then I’m believing I will hear Him say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

A Challenge

I want to challenge all undercover perfectionists. Let’s explore and be bold adventurers for God. Let’s not draw boundary lines because of fear or perfectionism. Let’s try “close enough” instead of perfect. Let’s be satisfied with our effort knowing that God delights in us. Christ died to set us free—let’s live free and imperfectly!

I’m thankful to Leslie for allowing me to be a guest writer on her blog. I pray each of us will believe in God’s perfect power through us so we may be used mightily for His purposes.

Fondly, Terri Hutchinson.

References:
1 Hebrews 12:2; 2 Samuel 22:31; Deuteronomy 32:4

Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, (2010). Hazeldon: Center City MN

*This post may be linked in the following places. Click through to find more hope and encouragement!  Tea And Word Tuesdays / Cheerleaders of Faith /  Coffee for Your Heart / Sitting Among Friends / Moments of Hope / Salt and Light / Heart Encouragement Thursday / Tune in Thursdays / Counting My Blessings / Grace and Truth