Stifled little girl giggles were muffled behind the small hand clapped over her mouth. She couldn’t help letting them escape and I heard her as I passed the coat closet in the hallway. I opened the door and saw her tiny feet and little legs beneath the coats she was standing behind. My sister and I were two bundles of little girl energy and we were playing hide and seek. We were in preschool then.

We only had to the count of ten to hide. We exploded out of the front yard and into the back, scattering behind bushes, tree trunks, and whatever else we could find. We were 10ish and 12ish, my sister and I, along with all the neighborhood kids playing with us. It was a game of Kick the Can and oh, how we loved it! The very best part of that game was the hiding.

I was a teenager now, and I was still hiding. Only now, it was a different kind of hiding. It was not the fun and carefree kind of hiding that I had played as a child.

I don’t remember exactly when this different kind of hiding started, or why. Maybe it was because I wanted approval. Maybe it was peer pressure. Maybe I was afraid. Most definitely it was my personality that caused me to look at the world the way I did back then.

Regardless, it was in those years that I began comparing myself to others. And somehow, in my mind, I didn’t measure up.

That’s when the thief showed up. I wouldn’t recognize her until years later, but she began to do her work, quietly and efficiently, with hardly a care in the world, because I wasn’t paying a bit of attention.

Her name was Perfect and she really enjoyed the game of hide and seek too – mostly the hiding part, because she sure didn’t want anyone to do any seeking.

Perfect knew I was a good girl so she made me think I had to live up to a whole bunch of self imposed unrealistic expectations. I had to drive on and keep going and doing. I didn’t want to let anyone down, after all.

Perfect knew I wanted approval so she taught me how to people please. Saying no was almost impossible. I felt responsible for everything and hid the fact that I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.

Perfect really wanted me to have things all under control so I kept playing her hiding game and didn’t tell anyone that I didn’t always feel like I knew what I was doing. I faked confidence and I wouldn’t ask for help.

Perfect wanted me to be, well, perfect. So I hid my flaws and didn’t talk about my shortcomings much, not even to God. The only time I did think about them was when I was putting myself down, as I repeated in my mind the lies that Perfect had told me.

I wasn’t being real because I wasn’t able to let go of who I thought I needed to be. I was wearing a mask that covered up the best of who I really was.

Perfect was a thief and she had stolen my true identity. And because I didn’t recognize her, I just let her continue to come back for more. This went on for years. It started in my teen years and followed me into adulthood.  This kind of thinking became a cycle in my life. It had been with me so long that it seemed normal to me.

But one day, many years later, I decided I didn’t want to hide anymore. I was too tired to keep trying so hard. I was totally exhausted and at the bottom of myself. I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

It was in that low spot in my life that I finally realized that Perfect had made me the victim of identity theft. I was shocked when I discovered this huge crisis in my life.

So I turned to God and quietly asked Him what I needed to do. I felt Him speak to me through a verse I was reading that day that I had never really noticed before although I surely had seen it many times.

When You said, “Seek My face,” My heart said to You, “Your face, LORD, I will seek.”
Psalm 27:8 (NKJV)

So instead of hiding, I began to look up, and I began to seek Him in a deeper way.

After lots of prayer and time spent in God’s Word, the truth from inside the pages of my Bible began to cut away at the lies that Perfect had fed me all those years. I began to understand.

You see, Perfect wanted me to identify with all the wrong things. Through the years I had found my identity inside a long list of expectations and priorities that I kept striving for. But the only place that took me was straight to the treadmill where I kept running a never-ending race I couldn’t win.

I was exhausted and worn out from trying to keep up an image that God never intend for me to have in the first place. I had my focus in all the wrong places and didn’t even realize it.

What I needed to do was to die to this life. I needed to give up on looking to the things of this world for my identity and instead I needed to find what was hidden in the heart of God.

For you died to this life and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:3 (NLT)

And when I finally did begin to look there, I found myself again. I found my true identity, my real life.

It was as if He took me in the palms of His hands and held me close to His heart. I was safe there and tucked in tight where I couldn’t hear the lies that Perfect was trying to tell me.

He held me close and let me stay there for a long long time.

And when I felt better, and the pressure to be perfect had gone away, He set me back down again, so I could keep walking on the journey he had laid out for me, unafraid and confident.

I found a deep love there that made me feel so completely and utterly accepted, just the way I was. I realized that with God, I didn’t have to measure up. I only had to accept His love. He had already found me completely worthwhile and lovable and I didn’t have to do a thing to earn that.

Since you were precious in My sight, you have been honored and I have loved you. Isaiah 43:4 (NKJV)

I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands. Isaiah 49:16  (NKJV)

Can you feel the love in those verses? Can you hear what He is saying to you here? These are the words that spoke to my heart during the difficult process of finding myself again. These verses are for you, too. We are all His precious daughters, completely loved, completely accepted.

We are all His precious daughters, completely loved, completely accepted. Share on X

If we look up and let God’s love define us, that’s where we will find our true identity. It’s that love which is hidden with Christ in the heart of God.

In Christ we have a steady, solid, unchanging relationship with a Savior who sustains us, holds us, and takes us straight to the heart of God. He calls us to die to the things of this world. He wants us to let go of finding our worth in anything else but Him. It is only then that we will find our real life and our true identity.

In Christ we have a steady, solid, unchanging relationship with a Savior who sustains us, holds us, and takes us straight to the heart of God. Share on X

And when we find that, we’ll not want to play the hiding game anymore because we will have come to a place where we can be free to be ourselves. We can stand up, be seen, and walk with confidence toward the callings He has given us.

Blessings!

Leslie

Focus Verses 

For you died to this life and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:3 (NLT)

You can study this verse in more depth at Bible Hub. Click HERE to go to the correct page.

I have inscribed you on the palms of my hand. Isaiah 49:16 – (NKJV)

You can study this verse in more depth at Bible Hub  Click HERE to go to the correct page.

Let’s Talk
Why do you think it is so hard for us as women to find peace with understanding where our true value comes from? What kinds of things help you remember that you belong to Him and that He loves you deeply? I would love to hear from you in the comment section below!

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